Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
