Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
