How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
