It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
