This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
