I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
