when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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