I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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