you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
