i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
