If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im holly from the hills drunk
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
