when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
