i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My bed smells like the plague
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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