Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
