Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wanna go halves on a baby?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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