did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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