You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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