Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
