piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
