Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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