she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
