she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
