If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
