i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
