I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
