i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
