Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
