Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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