WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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