I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
