there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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