I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
