i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
