You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
