On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
