My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
