when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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