Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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