1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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