I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
