I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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