Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
