when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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