you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
