He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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