hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
