The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
