i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
