i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
