9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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