Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
